Magical Thinking about Technology

We all know someone whose technology makes them suffer.  They may be an aging relative whose ADSL line mysteriously goes down every time they open the fridge door, or the programmer in the next cubicle who wraps every function they write in several layers of copy-pasta he saw once in some code he never really did understand.

I used to snigger at these people, Voodoo Coding and magical thinking are lazy and ineffective.  Any problem with technology can be solved by first understanding it, because technology is pure rational thought made into material, right?

I've just been given an account on an MicroSoft cloud email system.  I'm learning humility.

I can log into it on my tablet (Android chrome), but not on my laptop (Linux chrome).  I'm sure I used to be able to log on using both, but then something broke, and one side went away.  I've deleted all the cookies on the laptop, I've re-entered all the passwords, I've clicked all the boxes I can tick, and still the final login screen just blithely re-appears.

I'm sure there's someone somewhere who can explain this to me.  But I can't be arsed, and I'm sure it would take a lot longer than I want to spend for the simple convenience of being able to read email on the platform of my choice.  I could probably fire up a Windows VM, set up a VPN, and log in via a MicroSoft ecosystem, but ... that can't be arsed thing again.

Here's the thing: as I was ringing all the changes in the laptop GUI login, I had a terrifying thought ... what if, by altering something on the laptop, I lost my tablet access!?!?!!!!  I'd better be careful!

Then I realised the horrible truth:  I've been slowly waltzed into technological dependency and magical thinking by a vendor's stupid design, and by my own studied ignorance.

Now I've just got to find a dead chicken to wave at the screen, and I will surely be able to read my email.

Half Assery as a Strategy

One thing which has surprised me about the USA (surprised me most, I think) is how half-assed everything is. I never thought of Oz as a particularly efficient place, but it's comparatively a model of doing stuff right, by the book, it's pukka. May be the colonial heritage.

May also be a function of how much in Oz is done by government (which is at least theoretically accountable for the provision of services,) in contrast to the USA's reliance on private contract to accomplish the same kinds of function. Cutting corners seems to be regarded as the way contractors get their equivalent of a tip.

One example is that I've had to send 5 copies of a fax (yes, a fax, technology circa 1910) from three different locations before it (I hope) arrived.

Another example is the shambolic publication of information about the San Marcos wildfires. In Oz, I can go directly to a government website which gives me maps, loci (or foci) of activity, descriptive text. I can go to the ABC (a venerable institution recently defunded by a Tory madman) to get details, events, advice, and cross-links to other information sources.

Here ... it's a parade of blondes with big tits ("There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!") asking inane questions and interviewing feisty local residents who are standing to fight the fire in their own backyard, for the american way of life. Oh, and the traffic ... nothing can happen in SoCal unless it's related to a major road, with a minutely detailed analysis of how traffic conditions will be impacted. It's infotainment and blather.

One surmises this kind of thing goes from top to bottom in the USA. No wonder so much stuff doesn't work, and good luck running that empire, guys.

Third Base!

I went to a ritual event the locals call a 'ball game.' While there I partook of the sacred food (being a footlong dawg with mustard and ketchup.)

What I observed was interesting, and seemed to involve a lot of setup for a scant moment's energetic interaction between a ball and a randomising device called a bat. The purpose of this interaction was to distribute the ball among the gathered faithful sitting in the bleachers.

I captured some of this ritual here: http://goo.gl/FkG2Vm

At the conclusion of the event, apparently two bases were "loaded" at the bottom of the ninth, a base hit was achieved, with two strikes and one out to go, at this point the guy on second (whose name may or may not have been "Watt") decided to go home.

Those assembled erupted in joyous celebration, as their Padres had won. All agreed it was a good match.

There's also a sub-ritual called a 7th innings stretch, which entails the communal singing of a song celebrating the tribe's special relationship with their local deity. I attempted to video it, but didn't want to appear too interested, as such scrutiny may mark one as a tourist, and the tribe is at war on tourism.

Mockingbirds and Android Dreaming

The other day I heard, and identified, and subsequently saw and confirmed a mockingbird.

A Mockingbird

I heard a protracted sequence of birdsong, very clearly enunciated.  There was one significant fact that (I punted) meant it was a mockingbird:  all the songs were at the same (fairly loud) volume.

In this, the bird is like a lyrebird.  You often don't see a lyrebird but can tell it's there, because it runs through its repertoire at full volume.

I imagine this is due to sexual selection - the males attract mates according to the quality of their mimicry, and as with most woodland birds, territory is marked by the volume of space the caller(s) can fill with his/her/their calls.  Since the lyrebird is a pretty big critter, they really go up to 11, to attract the chicky-babes.

It struck me as cool that this could be used to differentiate what is otherwise perfect mimicry ... a bit like the "Tell me about your mother" test in Bladerunner.

Hello, I Love You, Please Don't Tell Me Your Name

"Hi!  We haven't met before.  It is highly unlikely I will remember your name when we see one another again.  It's not because I don't like you, or don't remember you, it's that I'm a programmer and I'm a little bit special-needs onna-spectrum autistic.  Do not feel diminished.  I might remember your name better if it had a 2 digit numeral after it:  Craig23 would be memorable, Philip32 also, but plain old FRED, less so ... unless your wife's name is Wilma.

I have noticed I tend to store names using a cheap-assed hash, using the first and last phonemes of the name.  This is an old trick from interpreters in the 1970s, but you don't need to know that.

I will remember the key points of every conversation we'll ever have.  If you're really special, or your words were, I'll remember them verbatim, essentially forever (or until the problem you posed has been solved, or the insight you provided has been superseded.)

Here's the problem:  I'm a programmer.  I've written a million lines of code.  I remember most of the names of the important functions and variables (not that I use global variables) in most of the programs I've ever written.  I just have to look at the code, and the whole thing cascades back into my memory (as if it's being swapped from secondary store, but you don't need to know that.)

Another problem:  I'm a sysadmin for fun.  There are in the order of 10,000 commands in a unix system, although I probably only need to remember at most 1000 of them, and probably only regularly use 100 of them.

Another problem: There are hundreds of commands and functions in the programming languages I use, and I know about 20 programming languages, although to be fair I only regularly use about half a dozen of them.

So, if you see me and call out "Hey Colin!" and I say "Oh!  Hey!" please don't feel crestfallen because I don't remember your name.  I remember you're from Austin originally, and you're interested in turbulent flow in relatively viscous fluids.  Your name might be Phil, but it also might be Craig27 for all I know.  To me, what you're interested in, and what you're doing is far more important than what your Mum and Dad happened to call you.

Yours Apologetically,
Colin."

I want to get that printed on a card, at least until Google Glass comes out with a face-recognition->name app.  Is it too much to read on first meeting?